How to Parent Your Shy Child

If you happen to be the parent of a shy child, you need to read this. Being a shy person myself, I know how difficult it can be growing up, not being understood by your own parents or those around you. Everyone thinks there is something wrong with you and offers unsolicited advice. As a child, you begin to question and doubt yourself. For shy children, parents are their only hope. They hope they'd understand them better, yet most parents don't and end up reinforcing the self-doubts they face. If you are a parent, you need to know what are the dos and don'ts of dealing with your shy child. Drawing up on my personal experience, let me put forth a few of them.

Don't Label Your Child:

Parents often describe their child as being shy in front of family members and friends. My own parents did this and I never liked it one bit. There is just nothing to be gained by doing this, except reinforce to the child that he/she is in fact shy and that that is somehow a huge abnormality. As a parent, avoid labeling your shy child so - it just makes them feel worse and does not help them in any way.

Say Encouraging Things:

A shy child in particular needs a lot of encouraging words. They need your approval, so don't hold back in encouraging them for their achievements in academics or other fields.

Don't Forcibly Try to Change Them:

As a parent, you mean well for your child and may just want to make them better, but when dealing with a shy child, be especially careful. You should not come across as being pushy or forceful. If you do want to encourage them to make new friends, join classes to overcome their shyness, do so by persuading them gently and by respecting their wishes. Persuade them, do not force them.

Help Them in Social Situations:

Social situations can especially be very tough for the shy child. As parents, you may become engrossed with your own friends and your shy child may feel awkward and left out and lonely. In such situations, be proactive in trying to introduce them to children of their own age group. It is unlikely that a shy child would take the initiative in getting to know others, so they'd feel much at ease if you help them.

Build up Their Confidence:

Shy children often have very low self-esteem. They have negative thought patterns and generally think very low of themselves. Therefore, as a parent, you should try your best to build up their confidence by positive reinforcement. Shy kids are often affected by negative comments at school - comments directed at them by other kids. As a parent, keep the channel of communications open, so they can confide in you their self-doubts/fears.

Be Patient and Listen to Them:

As a parent, if you are not shy yourself, you may find it exhaustive to listen to and help your shy child. However, do remember that you need to be very patient. If you are not and lose your temper, they would just go into their shell. To help them, you need them to share their feelings with you and that won't happen unless you are a patient and listening parent.

In closing, know that shyness is not a disease. Most shy people outgrow their shyness with time. Those who don't, often, develop effective coping strategies to deal with their shyness themselves. It is only rarely that shyness can be a sign of something deeper, as in a personality disorder or anxiety disorder like selective mutism. So, as a parent, you need not worry in most cases, but do rule out personality and anxiety disorders like selective mutism, which require treatment at an early age. For plain shyness, just listen to and help out your shy child without being forceful or judgmental.

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