How to Make a Marriage Work

To make a marriage work, both partners need to be open to making compromises, when they are required, without feeling that they are the only ones adjusting or making concessions. These compromises that I am talking about are not life-changing ones or significant compromises that result in you suffering immense mental or physical anguish, but rather compromises that are easy and doable - like the compromises one may need to make as a result of small, avoidable fights or arguments that most couples have. Most problems often start off as small, but if both partners in a marriage are stubborn and unyielding, these small problems can quickly progress to become more and more complex and irreconcilable. So, the key to a successful and lasting marriage lies in at least one partner (ideally both) taking a mature view and showing the ability to compromise when arguments arise. Here are my views on what a man and woman should do respectively to save their marriage, assuming it has come to the point of falling apart.

A man should:

1. Listen to his wife patiently, hearing out her problems or issues that she feels has brought the relationship to its present state. This is, of course, important because unless you understand the basic issues that plague a relationship, it is unlikely you can do anything much to improve the relationship. So, understand the problem issues first. The man would do well to listen patiently (even though he might not agree with all the things being said) - because speaking out of turn could possibly degenerate into a slanging match.

2. Now that you (the man) know what the issue is - if you agree with her and acknowledge the problems - communicate to her what you intend doing about it. How you plan to assauge her concerns. If you don't agree with her, convince her by putting forward hard facts. Don't lie. Lying is possibly the worst thing you can do, while in a relationship. Nothing breaks marriages more than lies.

3. Trust her unless you have hard facts that make you doubt her. Don't let accusations fly without evidence to back up your claims. You might regret it pretty badly and feel like a fool when your accusations come up empty. Worse that that - it would pretty much destroy the marriage.

4. Spend time with her and make her feel wanted. Remember those dates (anniversaries, birthdays, etc) if you can. Make her feel you care about the relationship. Do things apart from saying things like, "I love you," do say affectionate words as often as you can. It might seem pretty routine, but it does make an impact.

5. Never let your temper overake you. Never make a decision in anger. Hasty decisions are never the right ones. If you do get angry, give yourself some time to cool off and think things over. Make your decisions at your own time. Don't rush things up. Make considered decisions.

A woman should:

1. Let a man have his space. Let him have his TV sports time. Let him have his buddy time. But remind him and make sure he knows you want time with him too. Sensitize him to your requirements so he knows what you look for in him as a husband.

2. Trust him as a rule - unless you have clinching evidence of infidelity. Nothing hurts a man more than knowing that his woman doesn't trust him - if indeed he is innocent. The same applies to a woman too. So, don't rush into making accusations. Never a wise thing to do.

3. Never accuse him of things, again if you don't have hard evidence. Men don't like being shouted at, especially if they think you are in the wrong. Try communicating your concerns (even though you are angry as hell). Anger would make him more combative and hard-nosed. It, for sure, won't resolve any problems.

4. Never try to own your man. Don't be possessive of him. Don't treat him like your son or your pet. Again, give him his space and time and treat him with the dignity he deserves.

5. Don't demand lavish gifts or go on a shopping spree with his money. He won't appreciate that for sure. He's worked hard to earn that money and you better make sure he also thinks that something is worthwhile to buy. Convince him about your reasoning to buy - show him the logic or at least show him how happy you'd be if he bought it for you. Don't pressurize him into buying something. He'd buy it anyways if he loves you enough and knows what you want. Just let him know you like something in particular and he'd probably buy that on his own.

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